yanhu

要是个女孩你就给订上娃娃亲么？哈哈哈···

我儿子也差不多,做事拖拖拉拉,注意力很难集中,上小班的时候就爱打岔,老师在上面说,他在下面接下茬.现在大班了,还那样.以前上公开课的时候,老师都特想让他去,因为他活跃,反应快.现在不同了,不希望他去,怕添乱.这一点都不像我.我没上过幼儿园,但从上学起,都是特别听话的孩子,从来都属于建设性的力量.我对小孩很不耐心,经常比较粗暴,我给他讲点什么,他总东张西望,我就来气.我觉得我这样不对,但很难控制自己.比起我老婆,我还算好的,她更暴躁.我儿子有多发性抽动症,不算很严重,但也非常明显.我现在想想,应该是遗传我的.我小时候也经常有各种小毛病,我自己体会,这大概是一种心理现象,至少跟心理有较为密切的关系.我们带他去看过中医,东方医院的儿科已经积累了700多病例,要让他长期吃汤药,我们吃了一周,就决定停掉,我不太信中医.还测了智商\注意力,智商很好,>130,注意力中等.我觉得这不是疾病,不需要治,大概也治不好.

@民老头

我家的大部分情况和你儿子一样，智商也测的是125，我在我们当地儿童医院测了，是混 合型的，也是要吃西药和中药。我不太愿意给她吃药。 后来看了一本书《好妈妈胜过好老师》里对多动瘂也用了大量篇幅驳斥，我还是暂不给吃药。

http://tieba.baidu.com/f?kz=674006376

缘分啊！今天也是俺滴生日！哈哈啊

吐 亲爱的老头
多动症也好抽动症也罢，肯定有，但误诊的肯定也超多，就你儿子而言，我同意你的判断，应该跟心理有很大的关系。就算是抽动症，我觉得也不应该吃中药，因为我猜想这种病应该不是由中医发现并获得医学界公认的，就算要治也是找西医。我个人觉得还是从心里层面下手比较合适，至少我觉得去看看心理医生会比吃中药靠谱一些。另外我看到你提到有时控制不住自己，老婆也差不多， 那我们不妨这样想，大人想控制自己都这么难，孩子要控制自己岂不是更难吗？所以我觉得还是需要多理解你儿子，理解了就不生气了，因为其实他比你更想表现好点，好博得你的表扬，每个孩子最期望的就是得到父母的称赞，他也只是控制不了自己而已。所谓同病相怜，何况他比你小那么多，你同情他越多就越不容易生气了。其实，我倒是觉得，你和你老婆可能都素质高自制力强对自己要求高但缺乏发泄管道，压力得不到宣泄积少成多，越想控制越控制不住。所以，可能还是先从调整大人的心理状态入手更事半功倍一些，平时上网可以多留心看一些心理方面的帖子，找一些适合自己的开解途径或者发泄管道，举个例子，我跟我老婆就经常性吵一下架，当然都是小吵而且不让儿子察觉的，一则发泄一下，二则可以把双方之间的不满都及时释放掉，免得不满积少成多，三则根据对方反馈调整一下自己增进磨合。。。
先把大人的心理调整好，等你们能控制自己了教儿子控制自己就容易了。事实上，根据我的学习体会和观察，孩子的心理问题绝大多数根子在大人那里。先扯到这里吧，下次有空再教育你。。。
顺便说一下，yanhu老师提到的那个孩子我觉得很可怜，个人觉得，他的乖巧只是因为他缺乏安全感，他早早懂得察言观色讨好别人来取得安全感，他的内心并不快乐，他的家庭环境决定他很难有安全感，这种只有靠成年以后自我调整了。孩子非常具有攻击性和孩子很乖巧看起来像毫无关系的两个极端，但很可能都是因为缺乏安全感造成的，就像自大和自卑其实是一回事一样。所以虽然你可能很期望孩子乖或者听话，但那并不一定是好事，甚至有可能那些看起来多动症的孩子都比看起来很乖的孩子好呢，你可以去谷歌“乖孩子 大部分”搜一下，然后多看几页，也许以后看孩子的角度都会变掉。。。
我写这么多，看起来都是为你好对吧？其实完全不是，只是我另外一种发泄手段用来舒解压力，你其实是受害人，教育孩子很多情况下也是如此。所以如果你想骂我，我不但欣然接受并且乐于见到，因为那样就帮了你一次。

@无所谓

吐 无所谓,亲爱的
大吐,狂吐..
你的批评教育和帮助,让我很震撼,很感动.同时,也很惭愧.我把儿子送你们家,你替我养好了.当然,我舍不得.
你那么耐心地学习钻研,认真思考,那么耐心地写字,我对你的仰慕,如8月18的钱塘潮汹涌澎湃.
还有,你跟老婆吵架的艺术,简直了,我难以言表地崇拜.以我的体会,吵架像地震,能量积累到临界释放,但释放完了不会舒坦,跟排泄完全不同.地震造成的破坏,很多是不可逆的.算了,这个话题太复杂,写长篇作文也讲不清楚.不过我很期待看你吵架的故事,你能满足一下我吗?
非常高兴你能那么耐心的帮助我教育我,我一点都不觉得受害,我受益匪浅.我不但欣然接受并且乐于见到,因为这样就帮了你一次.咱们这是互相帮助啊,咱们都在学雷锋.

吵架其实不好，如果双方怎么看怎么顺眼，不吵当然是最好。
可是如我等凡人，夫妻之间经常会有不满的地方，既然有不满，就一定会累积，你控制力再好，也有临界点，如果你每次累积到临界再释放，威力自然惊人，就成大地震了。
所以既然逃不掉要地震，就希望尽量减少伤害，其实经常性闹点小震，就是因为害怕大地震，想提前把能量释放掉，一句话，堵不如疏，其实万事同一理。所以最好就是双方有点不满就当天发泄掉，不要给累积的机会，当然这也需要磨合和沟通，对吵架取得一致看法才能奏效。如果双方都认可对骂或者轮流骂是生活必需品，是一种必要的发泄兼沟通手段，并且具有一定的自我控制能力，且在能量尚不高的时候就开战，那么其中的一方甚至双方都会很容易控制战火的规模。其实说穿了就是在能控制的时候就抱怨还是过了临界失控了才抱怨的区别。比如说，你有点不满应该立刻就抱怨，如果对方反应不激烈，双方轻微交火一次，相当于双方安全地发泄一次；如果对方反应激烈，这时候因为你还有控制力，就马上住口甚至转变角色改为疏导让对方发泄，所谓一个巴掌拍不响，相信事态很快会平复，相当于你没发泄到但你老婆可能释放了一次，你下次再找回来就是了。
其实，我觉得有个原则要坚持，就是你有权按照自己的方法来做事，我应该尊重你的选择，但我有权抱怨有权提出自己的看法，发泄完了，你仍然可以按照自己的方法做，我则不排除下次继续抱怨。如果认定自己是对的，一定要对方按自己的来，那没个好。有此原则垫底又在控制力尚存的情况下开吵，我觉得未必是好事，至少可以由此得知对方的想法和难处，有时候就算吵得时候双方都指责对方，可是事后都悄悄修正了自己的做法。
当然能用谈心或者聊天解决就更理想了，可惜俺们还没到那高度，先到这里吧，休息，休息一会。

@无所谓

吐无所谓:
你这个说法,在你那里是成立的,因为已经得到了实践的检验.但换个人,就不灵了.小地震会释放能量,但也可能在积累能量,造成更大的不稳定,就像是小地震产生了堰塞湖,到后来可能溃败.有时候,大吵是因为小吵引起的.所以说,因人而异,看你碰见谁了.每个人的阈值很重要,阈值高,就和谐,阈值低,就…
吐YANHU:
你老婆一个人带孩子好辛苦,你这么好的人,对亲人应该更体贴.
两口子有时也很残忍,比得是谁心更硬.心软的要吃亏些.我现在体会,就是要大度,大度才能不烦恼.

吐 民老头
我觉得你完全没搞清楚我的意思，所谓的吵就是及时释放不满给对方，前提是已经有不满，既然有不满，存起来肯定比当场释放更糟糕，当然释放的方法也很重要，所以吵架也是一门学问，是需要慢慢学习的。如果吵架会变成积累能量，那可以肯定有什么地方不对了，我觉得你需要在心理方面多关注自己、老婆以及孩子，重要的不是你做了什么、她做了什么，而是你们为什么会那么做，比如你控制不住自己，你有没有去探寻过自己为什么会控制不住自己？每件事都去探寻一下为什么，可能离解决问题就不远了，其实吵架可以作为一个心理学的典型课程。
不过这事不是能说清楚的，只能是自己想清楚的，所以俺就不再罗嗦了。
另外，说句实话，心软未必是吃亏，心硬也赚不到啥便宜，要说吃亏无论如何肯定是孩子最吃亏。大度也不能让你不烦恼，所谓的大度很大程度还是一种自我控制相当于鸵鸟把头埋在沙子里，不满还是会累积。解决问题的关键是了解以及理解，只要理解了对方的做法，就算你完全不同意对方的做法，烦恼和火气也会小得多。就像如果有人当面吐你口水，你肯定会异常愤怒，但是如果你知道对方是丐帮的且把你当成下一任帮主了，你感觉就会好很多，甚至可能会有些荣幸。
最后转个心理贴供你参考，http://www.xywy.com/zy/zywh/jpzy/201009/04-696120.html
yanhu老师其实也不是不体贴，只是有时候控制不了自己罢了。。。

吐 无所谓
看来,我不但心理有问题,理解能力也不行了,我要向师傅学习,学会追问”每件事都去探寻一下”为什么”,刨根问底.比如,为什么鸡总那么爱思考问题呢?等等.如此一来,我的人生大概就峰回路转了.

老婆一般是不讲道理的。。

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